Tuesday, March 28, 2006


Thoughts, they keep wandering in my brain like the wind all around. Sometimes turbulent sometimes calm but they are always there. Sometimes too many sometimes simple but weird,they harass me they help me whatever they do they keep me alive.

The other day I was traveling by train, there was this person in front of me middle aged continuosly talking, since I was totally brain fucked tht day I didn’t want to listen to anything except silence, but his just being there let me into thinking something different. I have realized there are 3 types of people one type who do lots of things in life they keep rigging their ass out and doing all things possible but selflessly. In this class we have three types according to their speech character. Some of them keep talking about all that they do selflessly, and keep saying it in the most diplomatic yet expressive manner. Take for example the middle-aged man who was sitting in front of me, he was talking about “all the secrets he knows about the boss and how his boss has been taking dinner with him and how he tries to avoid all the bribes that come his way…”, he may be lying or speaking the truth but he was expressing it out in front of two other people who were quiet silent in the whole conversation. This category of people do things for sure but ruin it all by saying it all aloud, although the person himself may not be aiming at impressing others by the way he did things or perhaps must be just wanting to validate his status with others to boost his self confidence but others sometimes end up thinking he is always showing off, which in turn makes him the odd egoistic joker in the society.
The second type of people are those who selflessly do things but yet don’t speak a word, they sulk internally thinking that no one cares of what they are doing. They keep thinking if I say it out it may just look like a show off so better not get it in public. This makes them seem to be silent (although they are talking at the top of their voices inside themselves). These people miss out the public acceptance phase which the first kind tried to get by constant blabbering.
Then there are the third kind who are really difficult to get because they have an eternal balance between the first two kinds. They are silent when needed and speak out not to impress anyone but to inform in case need be. The third kind is actually not a category it is just a temporary state I feel because a person tends to swing between the first two kinds depending on his surroundings and the people he may be interacting with.
The second base type can be those who work all for themselves, they have a pride possession of ME. The first base type (selfless types) are not really worried about the ME factor, for them the community or the organization they work for is more important. It’s about wanting to do maximum work The second base type are more self centered and the so called egoistic people. Well initially I used to believe and that’s what has been taught to us since our child hood is that this type of self centered attitude is not a good thing. But I see that in this class there are things which are worth observing.
Most of the highest successful people were self centered. I wouldn’t want to name them here but I deduce this by the way they dealt with situations. This does not mean in anyways that having a great ego about you is a great big achievement. But here comes a thin line between being self centered egoistic pig and being a person who wants to do things for his own growth also known as self respect.
The difference between these two terms EGO and SELFESTEEM has always been really invisible in the eye of society. If someone is doing something for himself he becomes egoistic, I disagree to this completely. To have self esteem is to do something for your own good, for your own level of success, but when you start doing that at others cost or hurting others just trying to do what you want only that is when EGO comes into picture. Ego is something like the upper extreme of self esteem.
Then there is the third type they balance their personal goals with the goals of the organization or whatever they work for. They have something they want to be and something they want to achieve. They sometimes are discarded in the society as crazy fanatic people or sometimes egoistic. The society does not worry about understanding them until they do something for it. It must be really a difficult thing to be in this state of mind. And hence maximum successful people at the top belong to this category.

So what is ideal? What should one strive to be? Well only if I knew I would be that person, a successful one but I believe I have been many times in all the positions specified above, sometimes one sometimes the other. That’s what we humans keep doing. How much ever we try to put up masks and roam around in the world outside, there is a true face inside, something which we answer to something that only we know clearly, vividly.