Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Its raining outside….I don’t feel like sleeping…and what constraints do I have now? … just a few more days of this freedom…Ended up the NID courier today….i realized I delayed it unnecessarily… dealt the whole situation like a kid…Weekends incident really frustrated me to my limits … perhaps I am too much a perfectionist at times… and when things don’t go my way… I just get disoriented… don’t know why... I need to change but … I don’t think I was making a big request anyways…
Sometimes I wonder do I expect more than I should. Or is it just my destiny, my fate, when it comes to relationships I am not lucky,…Perhaps deep down I am not meant for relationships so deep. … and I keep running to get them when I know somewhere down the line I will fail….
Life is strange at times …on oneside it gives u mountains of happiness and then u expect more… I think I shld not ask for more from god… what if in one department I may not succeed but he has been really kind to me over others…

I miss working in MAQ….i resigned last week but it still hasn’t seeped into me…those excessive hrs of working… pushing myself to unsaid limits just to keep any other thoughts away….well not all succeded…but good news was I felt satisfied in MAQ….a sense of victory on getting permanent and finally getting projects like bNano under Dilip was mind blowin….

I will be back to a students seat now… studying and trying to improvise… dunno how the whole scene will be but … will hope that it turns out to be fun… have to meet a lots of people over the weekend… plus sis is coming….have to do shopping….phew!!! will be really a lot to do…and here I am busy writing a blog hehe…

With a reason to live I started this way
I walked I crawled and got thrgh everyday.
With dreams in my eyes I kept walking my way
Until I reached a new road today

It’s a new journey to start with a new zest
Its time to transit leaving the rest
New dreams new world, new things to do
Yet old thoughts will stay lingering too
Some tell me to leave all old things behind
And new knots and bonds I should find…
But it aint easy to always leave my past
It aint easy to unbelive things so fast
But with these virtual knots how much more time?
Need to tie them for real or draw the line….
How easy to say but difficult to do
To change from the old into the NEW….

Monday, May 01, 2006

Strange Relationships

Expectations. We all keep expectations from everyone, deep down inside fearing to be unheard by anyone. But today I realized how it feels on the otherside. Knowing someone’s story makes you understand that person more deeply. Sometimes its very easy to just say some things just for our own selfish wants and emotional needs. But it aint easy knowing the otherside, and understanding someones problems or for that instance even understanding their life.

Life is so complicated for everyone of us, wanting to do so many things but never have an iota of time to do anything. In the complex tree of relationships getting lost in the cloud of persuasion is so easy. “ U don’t have the time for me” everyone loves to say that but never realizes for who all can a person actually have the time? And do relationships solely float on mere formal communications just becoz u have to? Humans have come to find solutions to most complex of all problems. But when it comes to problems in relationships the odd agony aunt is consulted. I belive a solitary life seems to be the best solution at such times…. Living by ourselves just to be what u want to be “do hell with the world” but is it that easy, the world then starts cribbing you are a hermit, selfish pig. They think all you care about is you. I ask is it wrong to care about myself? Is it wrong to think about me apart from the thousands of useless people I care for all my life, I need me and I shall have it. Do hell with the world is not the only solution.but I think I decide what I will do, becoz I am the leader of my life….

She needs to think in these lines now, I don’t know why but I started thinking for her problems….It does seem to be thoughtful at times to think for someone else, clears the way even I think about myself, where sometimes I am good sometimes I am bad… but that’s the way I am …and that’s really me, accept me or forget me…

Hope to see everyone smiling forever, makes me feel better that way too…